2. I'm also sorry if I behave foolishly while we play cards. In retrospect I always wonder if I was too abrasive or whatever. I have a strange combination of competitiveness and cooperativeness (if someone needed a card I had and asked for it I would actually give it to them, rules be damned). The competitiveness tends to show much more so, especially when antagonized by Elaine - not that I'm blaming her.
3. I like lists. So what.
4. I think about myself way too much. When looking at a picture of a group of people I'm in I will not give anyone else more than a passing glance and focus on how I look. I obsess about why someone does not like me as though it has everything to do with me. I constantly mourn my own body issues when so many people (in my own life even) have it worse off. Even this blog is catering to a bit of my ego.
5. In theme with #4 - For as long as I have had friends I have always wondered if they give as much time to thoughts or conversations about me as I have about them. I always doubt it, thinking either I'm more considerate or, much more often, that I'm not that interesting of a topic - but that is just because I am me and only know what I think. --Jeremy and I talk about Courtney and Amanda quite a bit :P
6. I envy Amanda's vernacular skills and Courtney's demeanor, among other things. I express this by teasing.
7. Back when my mom and I used to have big fights, before she kicked me out, one of the main themes she harped on was that I was "the most negative person [she's] ever met." I always have this deep fear that it is true and that someday everyone I love will realize it too and leave me.
8. The only reason I gave up TV for Lent was because I was at the Bronx meeting on Ash Wednesday and everyone was talking about what they were giving up and Josh asked me and the only thing I could think of that I hadn't done all day was watch TV so that's what I said I had decided to give up.
9. I have secrets that I tell people either when I've become very close to them or when they have disclosed equally deep secrets to me. I do this to protect myself as well as judge the level of friendship I have developed with someone. Sometimes having big secrets makes me feel ...unique... But deep down I wish I didn't have any MOAS's in my life.
10. I have a frequent worry that when someone is being nice to me they are setting me up. When I first started dating Jeremy I feared he and his ex-girlfriend were actually still together and as he and I got closer and I told him more things he and she were laughing behind my back and planning some elaborate humiliation for me. Sometimes, when I'm leaving his house and I watch him in his doorway as I drive off, I still have a nagging fear that as soon as I turn the corner his secret lover comes in through the back door and they laugh at my ignorance and then make out or something. I had/have the same apprehension concerning Courtney and Amanda, especially in the beginning. I wondered if they were each getting me to share secrets with them individually or together and then laughing at me, mocking me, or even just complaining about me when I wasn't there. Yeah, I'm an insecure little girl a lot of the time.
2 comments:
1. I'm glad you're concerned about it, but don't be concerned for our sake. I just want you and Jeremy to be like this. *crosses fingers*
2. I take it as a joke. I kind of take all competitions as a joke, though.
4. Me too. I tell myself it's because I 'm not looking at everyone else to "judge" them, and so it's okay; but it's really just self-centeredness. I'm obssessed with judging myself.
5. Jeremy and I talk about Courtney and Amanda quite a bit. Not gonna lie, this disturbs me.
6. I see what you're saying about Courtney. On the other hand-- and this is not a fish for com., so don't contradict me-- I have a NORMAL vocabulary.
7. KELLY!
a) I know people who are far more negative than you. You enjoy your life a lot of the time.
b) Your mother is such a positive person that at times I think she's just giving herself a band-aid.
c) Who's stupid enough to abandon you because of your weaknesses? If you had a problem with cannibalism, I'd probably leave you to yourself, but I think we can deal with this. On behalf of all of your family and friends, please give us the benefit of the doubt.
d) It's a habit that you can change over time.
8. I must say, that's really funny.
9. So far you haven't revealed any MOASes to me. If you did, I must have blinked.
10. KELLY!
a) But Jeremy wasn't planning anything of the sort.
b) And neither are we.
c) Never were.
d) We all like you.
e) In different ways.
f) And I can't speak for the others, necessarily, but I really make a point not to complain about people behind their backs. I'm not perfect at it, but I'm honestly trying.
g) I worry about the same thing.
1. Don't apologize. I needed the jack of spades. Courtney and Amanda be damned
2. You're adorable
3. You're adorable
4. You are far superior to everyone else, I don't see a problem with thinking like that. Also, you have a fantastic body.
5. Your brain functions on a much higher level than the rest of us. I'm 99% sure nobody thinks as much as you do about conversations and things like this. It's not because you're not that interesting of a topic, it's because we aren't as smart as you and our brains don't work on that level.
6. I am frustrated with my lack of understanding Amanda's vernacular skills, and I think Courtney is smelly.
7. Your mom has her own issues, you're adorable. Nobody will leave you, you are far too cute.
8. The other day I watched Best Week Ever and the Daily Show. I was seriously thinking "Kelly would be so pissed if she knew what I was doing" :)
9. No amount of MOAS's can make me stop loving you.
10. I cannot fathom how somebody so gorgeous is insecure. But ya, I love you.
-Jeremy
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