A compulsion

over a week ago I had given myself a mini-manicure. I pushed back my cuticles and put the no-bite nail polish on them and put cuticle oil all over them. they grew amazingly fast. they were almost feminine and girly like courthney's. Well, not that long. But they were looking much better. Then last night i had to finish a paper for Dr. Todd's class. I honestly think i spent at least 1/3 of the time biting my nails. I would have an idea or something but would be in the middle of biting my nail so i would wait. it started with just my pinky on my right hand. then that one was gone so i moved on the the middle finger on my right hand. and i had devoured all but one or two fingers and my thumbs before i remembered i had my purse with me and could trim them in attempts to curve the compulsion, which usually stemmed from not being able to stand for the nail being jagged. I now have nubbins again. It's so sad. I think i will have to go to meijer and buy more of that no-bite stuff and keep a bottle everywhere i go. it's so pathetic. I am sitting there thinking "I need to work on this paper" but i cannot bring myself to take my finger out of my mouth. it is actually really scary. To be unable to will myself to stop doing something is terrifying. This has to stop.